i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
