drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
