a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
