Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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