Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
