Im at strip club and am horny
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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