you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
