I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do vagina's smell?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
