Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
