why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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