We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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