Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
a search helicopter?!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize