That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
