i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
