I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
