he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
