Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
