The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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