Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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