now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
