Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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