Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
