I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize