the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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