So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
