bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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