You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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