and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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