Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
