I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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