I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
