I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I pour the whiskey from now on
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
