Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
