I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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