he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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