So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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