before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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