Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
