I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
