Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
