I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
