I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
