Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
