i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
