Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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