you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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