I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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