well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
