there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
