do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You can't motorboat a personality
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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