If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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