at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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