Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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