soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
