I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
