also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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