she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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