lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
