where am i from again
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
