I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
