I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
