for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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