You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
