woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
