i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
