Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
