btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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