You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
