Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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