You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
