Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I want a musical about memes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
