Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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