i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Still dying that you shit outside
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
