worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
