I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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