At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize